


A Terribly Real Thing

by TheStoryteller13



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 14:10:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17788874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStoryteller13/pseuds/TheStoryteller13
Summary: Submission for the Magicians Rare Pair ChallengeHer chin shakes, her head nods. She takes Kady’s hand and holds it tight, breathes deeply. Kady can see the words behind her eyes that she doesn’t say, the fear, the hope, the desire to trust that what Kady says is true even if she doubts it. She’s never seen Margo this vulnerable, never seen her crack even just a little.Moves closer and pulls Margo into her arms. Cradles her. Margo’s arm wraps around her side, grips the fabric of her shirt, buries her face in Kady’s chest. Kady wonders if it wouldn’t be awful to fight for one more person.





	A Terribly Real Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the prompt quote "You are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain." and since that's an Emilie Autumn quote, I of course had to use some others so this work features, "If I've no one to fight how do I know who I am?" and "I could never fight for myself, but, for others, I can kill." and I drew inspiration from the song "From the Gutter to the Stars" because that song is just so good! <3

The sound of cars passing by outside, an open window with fresh spring air spilling through, the moonlight falling onto Kady’s face. Sighing, she rolls her neck and tries to find a more comfortable position. This isn’t her bed. It’s not her house. But, that’s not exactly true, because it _is_. Now. She’d made it happen. So why is she feeling like this?  Sits up, runs a hand through her hair, looks around the room. 

It doesn’t feel like her place yet. That’s all. The bedroom is still filled with Marina’s things; black dresses, harnesses, and rings. It’ll just take a moment to get the apartment situated into what she wants it to be. She just has to fill it with her own things.

Her own… 

Kady doesn’t have anything. 

Passed around from family member to family member until there weren’t any more and her mom’s mistakes caught up with her, landing in Brakebills and still not having anything of her own because Marina owned her, living with Julia… Did Sam have anything? Would any of those things feel like hers if she collected them? 

Kady shakes her head. If she didn’t have anything before it doesn’t matter, she’ll make something of herself, _for_ herself, now. A finger across the coin, her fateful coin, a deep breath. She lays back down and tries to go back to sleep. 

It doesn’t work. 

Kady throws on a cardigan and paces her room. 

Is this guilt she’s feeling? It’s absurd. She has nothing to feel guilty about. After everything Marina put her through— put others through— this was deserved. It was payback. Kady doesn’t regret what she did. So there’s something else on her mind, then. Looks out the window, thinks about the people downstairs sleeping in her new living room. She should talk to someone, get her mind off whatever it’s thinking about. 

Oddly enough the person she wants to see is Margo. 

To say that the relationship between them had changed since their time as Sam and Janet would be an inaccurate statement considering they didn’t have a relationship before this. But now, in the wake of new lives and new monsters, something between them had been created. So it almost feels natural to go to Fillory. Almost feels comfortable to be in Whitespire. Almost feels like she’s done this a thousand times. 

The castle is quiet. Warm, but empty. Everyone has gone to sleep. In the midnight hours Fillory seems like a dream. Like a fantasy. Like a safe little pocket in a world full of dangers. Kady wishes that she’d gotten more chances to spend time here. Hopes that she’ll get more in the future. Kady breathes in, steadies herself, walks down the halls in bare feet. Flesh against cool marble floor. She feels like a different person. A distressed time traveler in the past, walking in her modern clothing through brick and mortar long forgotten where she’s from. 

The guards outside the door tell Kady that she’s found the right room. Margo lets her in when she knocks. 

“Hey.” Uncharacteristically unsure. Her back against the door as she closes it. 

Margo looks up, looks at her, looks surprised, “Hi.” 

Silence. There’s something between them now, sure, but neither of them know what it is. Sam and Janet had been on a mission, had been all work, sparing only a couple quiet moments to get to know each other. Now? There’s so much space between them. 

“Was your day as fucked as mine?” Margo asks. 

And just like that there’s an opening. An easing of the tension. A way for them to relate. Kady smiles, walk over to Margo’s bed and joins her. Kady tells her all about what happened, the bad luck bear, Penny’s odd friend, the coin she’d given to Marina. It’s strange having to catch someone up on the details of what’s been happening, even stranger that it’s her telling Margo. It’s good to talk about it though. Helps Kady gain a clearer perspective. 

“Something on your mind?” Margo asks when they’ve finished going over recent events. 

“No.” Kady says. Picks at the dirt in her fingernails and doesn’t look Margo in the eye. 

“Are you worried you did the wrong thing?” Margo asks. 

Kady shakes her head, says, “Marina had it coming. I don’t feel guilty.” 

“Okay,” Margo says, tilting her head and looking Kady over. “What _do_ you feel?” 

Kady doesn’t answer for several moments. Wracks her brain for the words. Finds herself saying, “I feel lost.” 

Margo raises an eyebrow, prompts her to continue. So she does, “I don’t know. My whole life seems to be about fighting for something. I fought against Marina, I fought against Reynard, I fought against the library… it’s like… I don’t know, it’s like if I don’t have anyone to fight I don’t know who I am.” 

Margo nods, “I get that.” 

“Do you?” Kady asks. 

“Yeah. Today I helped a monster kill a god. A party god, at that. And I threatened a whole group of people in order to get it done. Because I’m their king now. Fillory is my home and I have a duty to fight for its people.” Margo explains.

Kady nods, plays with the frayed edges of the blanket on Margo’s bed, looks at the other woman for a moment. Kady had always thought Margo nothing but selfish and extravagant and even though she’s seen Margo grow into something more, she still thought that her actions came from a selfish place. Now she thinks that might not be true. 

“Fighting for Fillory gives you purpose?” Kady asks. “You don’t fight for yourself or the things you want?” 

Margo kind of laughs, shakes her head, says, “I could never fight for myself. But, for others, I can kill.” 

A smile tugs at Kady’s lips. She can understand that. Her mother, Julia, Penny… she’s always fought for others. Maybe it’s time to fight for herself. Perhaps it’s okay for her to be selfish for a while. 

“Do you wanna stay here or are you going to head home?” Margo’s voice cuts through her contemplation. 

Kady blinks, looks around, looks at Margo. Green eyes meet brown ones. Maybe it’s because of their time as Sam and Janet, maybe it’s that Kady doesn’t want to go back to that house just yet, or maybe it’s because she feels a kindred spirit in Margo now, whatever the reason she finds herself asking, “Is it alright if I stay here?” 

Margo softens, nods, “Of course. Do you want to share the bed or sleep somewhere else?” 

“Here’s okay.” Kady says. 

Shuffling sheets, shuffling bodies, the lights go out and Kady finds herself on her back, staring at the ceiling. Margo’s breathing is calm, steadying. Kady wonders if Margo ever had any doubts about her actions or if she’s always gone through life being sure of herself. Then it dawns on her that Margo spent the whole day with the monster. She helped that thing kill a god. 

Turns to her side and looks at the back of Margo’s head, reaches out to touch her arm, says, “Margo?” 

“Hmm?” Comes the reply, Margo turning over to look her in the eye while she speaks. 

“We’ll get Eliot back.” Kady says. 

Her chin shakes, her head nods. She takes Kady’s hand and holds it tight, breathes deeply. Kady can see the words behind her eyes that she doesn’t say, the fear, the hope, the desire to trust that what Kady says is true even if she doubts it. She’s never seen Margo this vulnerable, never seen her crack even just a little. 

Moves closer and pulls Margo into her arms. Cradles her. Margo’s arm wraps around her side, grips the fabric of her shirt, buries her face in Kady’s chest. Kady wonders if it wouldn’t be awful to fight for one more person. 

That maybe Margo’s been fighting too long. Maybe they all have. 

#

Rain on glass, the fogged up view of the city, cold seeping through the window to touch warm skin. Kady sits on her window sill and watches the rain. 

Three knocks on the door. Margo waits for Kady to tell her to come in before she enters the room.  “Hey.” Margo says, crossing the room to lean against the wall next to the window. 

Kady looks up at her, smiles, “Hi.” Looks back at the window and says, “Sam never liked the rain.” 

Margo nods, “Yeah, Janet loved it. Thought that umbrellas were an underappreciated piece of fashion.” 

Kady laughs lightly, looks back up at Margo, “Did you need something?” 

“No. Just wanted to check on you.” Clasped hands, kind features. Margo really does care, doesn’t she? 

Margo watches Kady. She seems different these days. Not that Margo has any experience in what Kady is like. Kady always seemed to Margo like a punch-first-ask-questions-later kind of girl and while that still holds true, Margo sees that Kady is struggling with something deeper. In the wake of her new life, her new memories, maybe she’s finding who she is for the first time. 

“You didn’t have to do that.” Kady says. 

“I know.” Margo admits, “But you’re my friend and I care about you.” 

“Since when did we become friends?” Kady asks, not unkindly, half-joking. 

“Well, Janet really seemed to like you. That’s good enough for me.” Margo says. 

“Oh? And what did Janet like about me?” A laugh, a smile, a joke.

“Hmm.” A light push to her knee to make her move so Margo can sit on the window sill too. “She liked that you were strong. You took charge, you were an action hero.” 

“An action hero?” Kady smirks, her knee bumps up against Margo’s. 

“Uh-huh. Total white knight.” Margo winks. 

“Yeah, but it wasn’t me.” Kady breathes. 

“What do you mean?” Margo notes the change, sees how she rolls her eyes and leans her head back against the wall. 

“Sam wasn’t me. All her heroics, her take charge attitude, her fearlessness… none of it was me.” Kady says, runs a hand through her hair and sighs. 

“Okay, so…”

“So I can’t go back to being who I was, but if I try to be more like Sam I’ll be lying to myself. Either way it would be fake.” A deep breath, too many thoughts. Give her something to punch, it’d be much easier than dealing with everything she’s been feeling lately. 

“Sam is just as much a part of you now as Janet is to me.” Margo takes her hand, “It wouldn’t be fake.” 

Kady shakes her head, “I just… don’t know who I am anymore. Every version of myself feels wrong now. False.” 

Leans forward, squeezes Margo’s hand, looks into her eyes, “Am I a terribly false thing?” 

Margo sighs, tucks a piece of Kady’s hair behind her ear, says, “You are a terribly real think in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain.” 

An exhale, a truth. Is this what it’s like to live in stillness? Is this what it’s like to not have the world be crashing down around her at all times? Kady used to long for this, used to wish that time would stop so she could just breathe. But now? Now she finds that without a pressing threat she doesn’t have anything to think about other than her own self. 

Margo has a hand on her cheek and Kady reaches up to cover it. Closes her eyes and tries to calm herself. Margo had always thought Kady was a fearless bad-ass but in this moment, the quiet between them, the rain on the window, Margo finds that Kady might not be so fearless after all. She still sees amazing strength in her, quieter now, but still there. She hopes that Kady will be able to find it in herself again soon.

#

Giggles in silent halls, bare feet on cool stone. Kady’s hand in Margo’s, pulling her through the castle.  “Shh!” Margo laughs, “You’re gonna wake someone.” 

“Me?” Kady asks, “You’re the one being loud.” 

Kady’s been in Whitespire for three days now. It’s easier here, better. Kady finds that she wants someone to be around, someone who understands her, and as it turns out that person is Margo. Dressed in a flowing red dress, her hair cascading around her shoulders, a smile on her lips. Kady thinks Margo is beautiful. You’d have to be blind not to see her physical attractiveness, but it’s more than that. Kady never realized before how beautiful Margo’s soul is. She cares deeply, more deeply than Kady expected. She had seen how Margo cared for Eliot and then Quentin, but she never thought that her nature to fight or die for those she cares about would extend to the rest of the group. Maybe in the past it wouldn’t have. Now? After everything? Kady is pretty sure Margo would walk to the very edge of Fillory on hot coals with bare feet if it meant no one in their little group would ever hurt again. 

“Dance with me, Kadybug.” Margo whispers in her ear. 

So she does. Down the hallways of Whitespire at midnight they dance, stifling laughter, tripping over each other but never falling. They keep each other up, steady one another, and continue on. 

Margo thinks it’s good to see Kady smiling. Doesn’t think she’s had much fun in the past three years and it’s good to take a break from their awful world with unfortunate circumstances. It had been a shock to see Kady’s vulnerability these past few weeks, but watching her bounce back, seeing her reinvent herself, is inspiring. There’s great bravery in the actions Kady takes, in moving forward despite everything, in deciding who she is instead of who people want her to be. Margo thinks she’s like a phoenix, rising higher now. Burning brighter. 

They stop by a window to catch their breath, bathed in moonlight. They’re still holding hands, standing too close together. Kady wants to say so much,

_Thank you._

_I’m sorry I never tried to get to know who you were earlier._

_I wasn’t feeling that strong until you showed me I didn’t have to be all the time._

_You make me_ want _to be strong._

_You’ve gone through so much._

_I want to be there for you._

_I want to protect you._

_Sometimes I don’t feel that brave but I want to be brave for you._

There’s too much. There’s not enough. Kady supposes that she’s learned over the past three years to bond quick because you never know when someone is going to be taken from you. So instead of saying anything at all she just leans down and kisses Margo’s cheek. Lingers, tries to convey everything with just that touch. Pulls back and looks at the stars reflected in Margo’s eyes. 

“What was that for?” Margo whispers. 

“A thank you.” Kady says. 

Margo’s breath catches. There’s so much behind Kady’s eyes. Too much in her own mind. Takes both of Kady’s hands in her own and kisses her knuckles. Whispers “you’re welcome” across her skin. 

A step closer, Kady’s fingers ghosting up Margo’s arm to find themselves wrapped in her hair, Margo’s hands lacing together at the back of Kady’s neck. There’s too many terrible things about their world, too many awful days and heartbroken nights. So, for this moment, just between the two of them, they share something sweet. Something beautiful. 

Lips part, hands move, bodies press closer together. Shared breath, shared heat, shared need. _Please,_ Kady prays, _don’t let this be the only time._ She presses Margo against the wall, takes comfort in her, falls completely into her. Margo tugs, pulls, wraps Kady up in her. There’s so much, so much, so much

Just enough. 

The world is a harsh and broken place. 

Maybe they can face it together. 


End file.
